She Travels Outside of Karma....

Been thinking a bit lately about how I usually answer this question...

"so...how do you do it?"

My answer?

"grace... grace is why I'm still here..."

I'm not sure what people are expecting when they ask me that question. I'm not even sure if they really care to know and maybe right after they ask... they want to retract it. It's a pretty loaded question, full of possible explanations... paths that diverge. I guess I could always go into specifics... but honestly? Grace is what it all boils down to.

I'm not implying that in some way I deserved to be in my situation and that by the Grace of God, I'm not worse off or something like that. That God took pity on me in some way and allowed me to "survive". I mean, I often refer to my life as sucky... that my situation is pretty eff'ed up in most respects?

And I do mean it...

But not wholeheartedly... no, I don't...

look...

There is no blame to be directed at any person for the place I'm in. sure, you can blame me for some of my poor my choices after the fact, but what happened 5 years ago was no one's fault. No, despite what I want to believe... or how I might feel at any given point in time, what happened just was and it is just one of the events in a string of happenings that is leading to something... either for me or my daughter or for whomever we cross paths with...

Maybe this is just a coping mechanism? I don't know. I just know that there are much bigger and more important things in the world than me… and for me to believe I am the single focus of any force of God or Nature, that somehow I might matter more than the the girl who poorly bagged my groceries this afternoon would just be self serving in the worse possible of ways.

But here's the deal...

Somehow, in ways we're probably not meant to understand. It all does matter. You and me do matter... and equally so. there is a connection whether we can see it or not, feel it or not. All our interactions in our lives though sometimes seemingly mundane carry more wight than we can possibly imagine. Not that one instance is weighted against another but in the master plan (if you want to call it that) those seemingly trivial words and actions play a part in making the whole. we may never see the end result but i do believe it is there.

So what happened and happens to me does matter... for me and for others... some I may not even know yet. Mine and my daughter's are just as an integral part in this as anyone else's.

And that's where Grace comes in...

For me, Grace is shown in this:
That people have entered my life in timely ways throughout that have allowed me to survive losing my wife suddenly to an accident. To allow me to raise my daughter and for the most part allow it happen in a way in which she could grow and thrive. Grace has placed me in a family and a circle of friends that could not have been more supportive throughout the years. Grace has brought back people in my life to encourage and guide me onward. Grace has brought new people into my life since to give it new colors...new flavors...new textures. Grace has placed in a workplace with people that have allowed me to try and find that balance i need and are sensitive to my predicament.

Grace... has not judged me but has blessed me... despite my actions, decisions, words, thoughts, situation...

Karma? karma fails in the light of Grace. Karma is for suckers…

And if you ever catch me forgetting or stating the contrary? Call me to the carpet for it... really... just nail me with a 2X4.

I'll end with the lyrics of a U2 song and this thought:

Dig a hole... Grace fills it up

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything

Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk

She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside
Of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips

She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything