contentment part deux..Achtung Baby!

ok...so i lied...

well, really i didn't...it's just that i forgot about certain instances is all.

tonite, i had boldly claimed that i didn't know what it was like to be content during our discussion time. but there are moments that i do find contentment...it's when i have my guitar in my hand. that being said, in the present there are only a couple cases here this is true. one is when i'm playing and singing my daughter to sleep. the other is when i'm playing just for myself. there used to be time when playing at church was included in this, whether in small or large groups but not now. oh, i do still really enjoy playing for some of the groups at church or for service but it's not the same as before. there is a missing piece...or should i say a missing peace.

i was talking to a friend of mine recently and was sharing with her a bit of this. she mentioned that she felt as if i were re-discovering something but i was also being challenged to go beyond where i was before. that i needed to "let go" of some things that were preventing me from really experiencing that state of freedom and joy that i was seeking in those moments. she also said that this was just a small example of what i was being challenged with. letting go of certain ideas so that i could grow forward. to stop being self-conscious...to let go...to trust...

that last part is hard for me. but now i'm seeing it in a way that turns it into a negative that i want to rectify.

the only thing that is keeping me from contentment is me.

sure, that's a pretty easy statement to make especially after last weekend's sermon but what it means for each person is obviously different. for me, saying that i wasn't content and didn't know how to be nor know what it was like was just a way of keeping me discontent. when in truth...i did have a glimmer of what it could feel like to be in that place.

there's that U2 song...you know the one..sing it with me...

"i have climbed...highest mountains..."
"...only to be with you"
"but i still haven't found what i'm looking for..."

i'm going with the obvious here...but these lyrics sum up where i am in a nice easy package. it's not a great revelation but i think for each seeker, the ideas need to turn in the right direction so that they fit in the way that makes sense. like keys and locks to use another obvious example.

the road to contentment is a journey, but not an endless one. i'm not going to find it somewhere else, in something else, nor someone else. but God wouldn't send us on a quest without hope. that's just not how He works despite how i might feel at times. He's given me something as a reminder as well as a proof for what it is that i seek. something that is readily accessible to me as long as i desire it and seek it. contentment is a state of being.

contentment is not about being happy...it's about being fulfilled, no matter what...

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do anything through him who gives me strength"
Pilippians 4:11-12(NIV)

and the only one keeping me from it is myself...

so onward i go to find it.

dig a hole...fill it up...

ok...i know, wrong album but that just seemed like a better title for this entry...

just for the record:
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Joshua Tree
track #2

happy?