10 Years Ago... But Really? Now it's 20...

 I can honestly say...

Hmmmm... Hrrmmmm

Twenty years is a long long time...

And for that matter... so is thirty-three years

And so is  twenty-seven years

Let's get this out of the way... A LOT HAS CHANGED

But that would be true for not just anyone but for everyone

So... why is it different for me? 

Initially, I started writing here as a way to work through grief and life changes.  I was processing grief and being a single full time working dad of a toddler and coming to grips of what that meant...

And ya know, it's been really helpful. In mor ethan just getting thoughts out but being able to write, read and reflect...

Yeah so...  I also wrote about random things as a way to keep myself entertained…

Yup, that’s right, I admit it… I really don’t care about your experience here... AT ALL… 

But now that I’ve picked up this again, a whole lot has changed in my life and I’m on the verge of another life change, albeit this one unlike the others is planned. Prepared? Maybe not as much as I initially wanted to be but that’s my take away here.

I don’t have to finish “well” or “strong” or what others might tell or expect you to. I have just to finish ‘this” and then start the "that". Because that’s what it’s all about, yeah? We all have things we’ve wanted to do except “I was in the midst of my career” or “raising kids? man that schitte is hard and time consuming”. So… when? And why not now? 

I don’t always have to have everything planned to start at "D" Day, "H" Hour. I don’t need a statement of work with bullet points outlining my intentions, or a manifesto. 

Because all those details? 

They’re part of the journey and the experience… living and discovering what Life has in store.

And from that reflection 10yrs ago?

Our perception and understanding of our Maker changes over time, and well it should!

But I still feel mostly the same except… now I know more than ever that some of that is my choices too.

However it is that you view, believe, imagine, envision Him/Her/They to be, ultimately, it’s up to us to make the good choices. It’s not that by making good choices we end up where we are? It’s that we make the good, self-less, loving and kind choices in Life. Because that, that… is what’s really important. Not us and what happens to us, but the choices we make in how we treat our fellow travelers.

Have I been kind 

Have I been loving?

Have I been patient? 

And, have I been compassionate?

Have I given grace?

 Have I sought peace?

Those are the things we can control and in the end?

That, is all that’s important.

Because that's all we can control. 

And that’s what, in a nutshell I’ve decided is what is really important…

eating together... (originally posted February 25, 2010)

 there is something that i definitely like about eating together the way my family did growing up. not so much that we ate "together", but just how the meal was really shared. i like this idea whether at a home or at a restaurant.

all the food is set out in front of you and each person just fetches what they want at the moment, set it in their rice bowl or on a small plate in front of them. there was even a few communal bowls for bones and other non-edible parts. rice was in the rice cooker but it was a single person's job to make sure that those bowls were filled and down before calling everyone to come eat. with my mom, there was usually some soup or other of some stated but dubious medicinal property. the family gets seated and eating ensues. i've long since realized my error in forgoing the soup on more occasions than not...

i still prefer this to eating at a fancy restaurant where my meal comes neatly put together on a plate and set in front of me. don't get me wrong, i enjoy this too! just there's is something more comforting and entertaining about really sharing in the community food bowl/plate.

ok...

i don't miss fighting my siblings for the choices of meat or vegetable? but that too was part of the experience. hoarding food is frowned upon. you take only what you can eat in say...i dunno...three, four mouthfuls? i don't know if this was the case for everyone, but i noticed nobody in my family nor at any other dinner i went to selected more than this. it's probably just part of really sharing and being respectful. to this day when we're at a restaurant, i will pour the tea for everyone else. i was told by my brothers that being the youngest it was my job too. not sure if this is really true of my culture or just my brothers getting over again on me. either way, it doesn't really matter because for me...it's a reminder that no matter who i am or am with...it is a privilege to be able to serve your family and friends.

which is probably why i like to cook for family and friends. it's my way of being able to say thank you or just letting them know i appreciate them. i'm not trained in cooking nor do i cook exceptionally well? but i can get by and feed myself and others. i can usually come up with something pretty fast and hey, kids like what i make for them...prolly because i still remember what i liked to eat at their age. mostly, i enjoy the community that surrounds the getting, making and eating the food...and i love...LOVE...being able to sit, eat, talk and laugh with the people that surround me.

so for Leung Family Chinese New Year dinner...for the first time ever...i made salmon. salmon (at least cooked, raw, smoked, cured i'm good) and i have a long history of distrust and dis-like which i have just recently overcome. not really knowing what to do...i went simple.

Salmon Fillets
Lemon
Fresh Dill
Butter
Dry White Wine
Salt and Pepper

i seasoned the salmon fillets with salt, pepper, dill and lemon juice about an hour before cooking. the fillets were then grilled in olive oil and butter skin side down for 3/4 of the cook time and then flipped for just the briefest of moments to finish. i added a bit of the white wine in the pan at the end..

i made a light sauce of butter, white wine, dill and lemon juice (my sister had no zester so i let the peels cook in the liquid a bit) and some supremed lemon sections for garnish...

next time? lemon zest, perhaps shallots and read thru a few recipes to figure out what i did right and wrong.

there you have it...now off to get some lunch...

update...

15yrs later... i pretty much still use the same ingredients but have found leeks and wrapping the fish in parchment paper to steam is a better application

food is more than fuel...it's... (originally posted January 28, 2010)

 well, well...

you'd think that with so many folks out there writing about food (especially after the "Julie & Julia" movie) if i were "blog" about anything...i'd choose something other than food as the subject of my cyber writing endeavors. well i did, it's just that i'm adding this one about food as well...heh heh

ok...so i lie. this isn't just about food, it's about people in my life as well. the ones i eat with, cook with, fellowship and commune with. it's about the those times we get together to share in a meal, whether self-cooked or bought, and share in each other. this little page will be about those experiences and what we ate. you'll know when i'm lazy if i just list food that was consumed...hahhahaha

food to me and the majority of my friends and family is more than just "fuel" for our bodies...it's a vehicle and medium which allows us to connect with each other. it's prolly been that way from the beginning of our human existence. food just naturally draws us together. Christ used meals or feeding for several of his miracles as well as for His final gatherings with his Disciples (pre and post Resurrection). He uses the act of sharing a meal as the thing which symbolically represents his sacrifice for us and serves as the daily reminder as believers to share in the honoring a remembrance of His gift of sacrifice. i feel it serves as much for this purpose as it does to bring us together as a community

now it's not the only reason we get together. but hey, it is what we use an excuse, whether it's meeting to catch up, celebrate or just hang out. it can be meeting up on a saturday for dim sum...or brunch. it can be a friday night dinner get together...after church lunches and dinners. the reason doesn't matter. what happens when we gather does...as well as what we eat!

so there you have it and here we go!

i leave you initially with this bit o' wisdom...

"Food at its best is about communication and communion"
-Alton Brown

and away we go...

Well, hey... It's been awhile... let's grab a bite, yeah?

 It's been a long time since i've really posted anything here. I had another blog that was food specific and since I've been thinking a lot about food and community and people lately...

I thinking it would be best to just merge them...

So in coming days, I'll be editing and copying them here before I get back to my random musings...

-g

2 MILs... (sung to the tune of the Spin Doctor's "Two Princes")

so, i have (had) two mothers-in-law...

ok.  that's not accurate.  i have a former mother-in-law and a current mother-in-law... and they could not be more different.

i will say as different as they are, i have learned a great deal observing, listening and interacting with both of them but respectfully, in totally different ways.

both are products of immigrant generations.  one was born here to immigrant parents, the other came to the US from Korea via Canada.

one thinks she's progressive... the other is not stuck in immigrant thinking old-world ruts.

one thinks she's long-suffering... the other is but you would never know it.

one looks at her life and complains and blames others for her situation

 one looks at her hardships and thanks God for how blessed her life has been

one manipulates to get what she wants

one just serves and loves

both can talk your ear off

both aren't the best listeners

until it really matters...

and then she'll really catch you off guard when you realize

she just pays attention to what's really important

they both would be about the same age now

but only one is still around

and lemme tell you

i am really happy that she's still around

she laughs at me a lot

and i do mean a lot

but she laughs with me too

and i do mean a lot

i mean.... 

really...

a lot

also...

please don't try and sing this. 

it was meant as a joke

10 years ago...

ten years ago... my life changed...

i didn't know then how, what nor what would become of me...

i remember feeling like i was looking into a dark pit...

a pit so dark, so expanse that i could not begin to describe...

so vast that i could not fathom reaching the other end...

but i knew there would be light...

of some sort...

but i never imagined what God had in store for me...

and i didn't dare believe...

not for one second...

that it would be as good as it is...

that when i said to Him that there had better be a good reason...

that there had better be something great and not just good in store for me...

that i was just venting...

that He was actually listening...

and not judging...

nor angry at my immaturity...

and selfishness...

but He did have a plan...

and what an amazing plan it was...

and how foolish...

and stupid...

and faithless...

i was...

to not trust...

and believe...

and know...

that He...

my Savior...

my Lord...

had me in His hands all along...


we can not always see our futures.  but God has our backs.

it may not always be what we wanted?  but it's always for His and our best...

we just need to see things in His light...

and not be blinded by our desires and faithlessness...

i found myself in hole.

but God filled it up...

and even more....

standing and waiting... and then jumping on in...

there's something to be said about not rushing into decisions...

and of course, this is being written with several years worth of hindsight in the bank.

pastor talked about this some months back. before the church would make a decision regarding something, they'd take months to pray through a decision and wait for His timing before they would move...

i think before, that's something that was not so much foreign to me, just...not something that would've been my first instinct, that whole "stand at the doorway and watch, wait and pray" thing when i had a decision to make and it seemingly looked like it was ripe for the picking...

and more often then not, it sometimes works out that it seems as if we make that fateful decision, it seems to works out pretty well.

but like i said, hindsight.

what i'm realizing is that there can be be a blurred or seamless line between the two.

almost ten years ago, i got this job.  i thought it was going to be a great job.  it was the one that would last me a long time.

but a few months into it, i realized it was not.  and things got worse and i had a short but intense season of depression because of that job.

and so i decided to look for a new one.

and i looked...

and i looked...

and i looked...

and every good opportunity (and there were several) didn't turn out.

even the internal change that i thought was going to be perfect, didn't work out.

ten years later...

one worked out.

the one i wasn't looking for nor expecting at this point.

i think i had spent a good eight years actively praying for new employment

and probably the last two just learning to appreciate that God had kept me employed

and all that time making observations and learning about what time of company and team i would like to be a part of and trying to build that team and relationships in my current environment.  i hadn't given up but i was going to make the best of my situation.

and then came the new job

and i jumped at the opportunity

there was an internal option as well that was pretty attractive but it felt as if the new opportunity would be the best for my future... for now at least.

i say i jumped and initially i felt as if i did and didn't really consult my Maker...

but in conversations with Him, i felt as if he was telling me He was just preparing me for that time so i would be able to act decisively and without doubt.

"that's why I was preparing you for ten years you nerf-herder!"

"yeah, i'm not the sharpest tool in the shed..."

"you are sharp, you just think too much sometimes... same reason why you waited five years for Jane..."

"oh... ohhh... OOOOOOHHHHHH..."

"ummm... yeah, dumbass"

so that's how it sometimes works.

God is showing us something.  we can't always see it clearly which is why he asks us to stand and pray and when the time is right, we'll be prepared to act.

i'm no longer really sure whether God opens and closes doors but more that He says to us, stop and think about everything I've done to prepare you to make this decision.  it's not yes or no, but is it now, later, better, worse, should you or should you not.

the choice is ours.

He just does His best to prepare us to make those decisions...