not enough Pearl Cream...

because apparently, to kyky, i'm well over 100 years old...


"daddy?"

"yup..."

"when you were a kid, did you have TV?"

"uuhhh...yeah..."

"was it in color?!?!?!?"

(chimes in Jane)

"did the movies have sound?"

thanks honey....

i stop and look at a Ford Pinto in the Safeway parking lot...

"hey, kyleigh... that's what your Uncle Dennis used to drive when Daddy was your age."

"dad?"

"yeah?"

"are those the kind of cars that were around in the olden days?"

"olden days?"

"yeah... the 1800's..."

come to find out that was what they were learning in school for Ancestor Day...

oh, and "our" Ancestors apparently wore bandanas, plaid shirts and square danced.

no kyky, our ancestors wore funny clothes, shoes made out of cloth and built the White Man's railroads... all for free...

and opened up laundry services and Hof Brau's...

in return? they got us hooked on opium and took our best island and seaport away from us... but we got it back a few years ago.

i guess that's a better deal than the Native American's got...

what a difference a year can make...

what a difference a year makes...or a year made...

or...

last year about this time(give or take a few months…), i was really searching for a new way of doing "life". i knew changes needed to be made and made quickly and somewhat drastically. and so i began to make...well...changes...

some were easy, or so they seemed...

some were hard, or so they seemed...

in the end, change is change and in all honesty?

it is difficult...really difficult.

but…(there’s always a but… or butt…)

the hard part is really just the deciding to change...and i don't mean a half-assed one...

you really want change? then you really need to commit to it. some things will happen faster than others obviously but you also have to be honest with yourself. there are things where you need to know what you are willing to commit to and be honest with yourself… what you put in will prolly be the maximum amount of change you’ll get out of it…and prolly…more likely than not? it will be less because you half-assed it. know how much you are willing to commit to and not what you think everyone else expects you to.

and don’t expect things to change over-night…

last year, i looked back and i realized i dug a lot of holes for myself over the years. a whole lotta of ‘em! these were holes of all sorts, financial, emotional, physical, spiritual… if there’s another descriptor with an “al” at the end, throw that in there too. if there was something I could fuck up, I did it to some degree.

i'll be honest. despite my circumstances...i me and no one else dug those holes...and some were rather deep...

and wide...

sorry, couldn't help that...

well… I started to slowly fill in those holes. yeah...

maybe only a bit at a time but I pretty steadily made changes and took chances. i sold my house and moved to a smaller rental. i chose to not buy anything on a whim and made better (not great!) decisions with my money. i made better food choices as well as activity choices.

mostly? i chose to be a different person. i chose to start becoming the person i wanted to be and choosing to see that would require me to act like that person.

again, Georgie-Boy…you... are a genius…

now…does that mean that’s the reason i find myself where i am today?

should i maybe write a book and go on tour?

uuummmm…no…

what i did wasn’t a recipe for success or anything like that.

but it is the way to start a journey of change…and change can be unexpectedly (and it has been most certainly in my case) good…

and that’s what you hope for…

you can’t expect things to go your way let alone the way you would have scripted it.

life just doesn’t work that way.

and…as I’m beginning to realize, that’s what makes life pretty cool…

no…

that’s what makes life pretty awesome…

don’t get me wrong…life can suck. and at times in my life, it has sucked. as a matter of fact, it sucked pretty hard for awhile…

but life doesn’t stay suckie forever… and least if you don’t allow it to.

there are things in life that you can’t change and you have no control over.

get over it….

You

Have

No

Control

Over it….

but that’s ok… because there are things you can control…

and that’s what you focus on…

and that’s where you start…

and you just keep goin’…

you dig a hole or Life digs you hole…

get up…shake it off…fill it… keep movin’…

yeah, you can stop and reflect from time to time…

but you keep movin’…with purpose…

find a hole? fill it up…

oh…so… what happened this last year?

I worked at it and now I’m debt free…

i sold my house and moved…basically 3 times in 6 months… and I’ll prolly move one more time before the year is out...

because…

i took a chance and asked a girl at least 2001 levels above me out…

and now she’s my wife… and she’s awesome… more awesome than I deserve…

and she loves me… more than I deserve…

and we’re gonna buy a house together…

and be a family

yeah…i basically won the “life” version of the lottery…

and i’m blessed

and i'm thankful

but i know there are more holes to fill…

so i'll enjoy what Life brings…

but i’ll keep my head down too…

and keep fillin’ holes…

one at a time...

kids honesty can suck...

but can be pretty damn funny too...

this morning while she was taking a shower and "Chit Chatting" with me kyky says...

daddy? i know what the biggest part of your body is!

really? my heart?

no! your belly! and your furry too!

great...

which reminded me of this exchange when she was about 3...

we were in some hawaiian restaurant getting lunch when she leans on me as says... in her sweet soft 3yr old little girl voice...

Daddy?

yeah?

i love you!

big smiles from daddy...

and then followed up in her big loud obnoxious 3yr old going on 16yr old voice...

daddy?

yeah, sweetie?

YOU HAVE A BIG HEAD!!!!

daddy's mouth drops in shock horror and and and...

you spin me right round...

kyky

"watch this!"

runs,

grabs a pole,

pulls up her legs

& spins around w/ her feet up in the air.

Me
"never do that again!

"EVER!"

horror...utter horror...